It’s funny the things we do and don’t talk about. When it comes to sex, we share a lot without sharing anything. Is that on purpose? Does it add to the mystique? Or is it more socially acceptable to keep talk about sex to a comfortable minimum? I sit down with two women verging upon the envelopes of sex positivity, openness and creativity as they seek to push them clear across the shaken table.
Meet Ar-Rianna Glover & Celenia Arce. LuzCelenia is a proud Afro-Latinx woman of Puerto Rican and Belizean descent. She is the founder of “Radiant” where her goal is to helps women recognize their light and power through the art of sacred sensuality. Ar-Rianna is a Pisces, super open-minded Pisces who is pro Black, pro woman, pro LGBTQIA+, pro heaux while consistently working magic into her life. Read along with our chat.
1. What “rules” surrounding sex would you boot from the earth and psyches of people forever?
A: Any ideas involving sex being bad, dirty, only for reproduction, it being male-centered/for the pleasure and satisfaction of hetero men only, shameful, pleasure-less(especially for womxn), that it should be painful, that it must only involve a penis/vagina, that it must only be intercourse to be sex, that men always provide orgasms in women, that toys are pointless when you have a partner, that consent isn’t a thing in relationships/marriage, that rape doesn’t happen in relationships/marriages, that orgasms in rape mean the person wanted/enjoyed it, that kinks are shameful/gross/bad especially when we don’t subscribe to said kinks. Did I miss any?
C: That holding onto your virginity is a direct indication to how much a woman values herself. That a woman who enjoys sex with multiple people isn’t to be respected. That men who have a lot of sex are instinctively better at it.
2. When and how were you first introduced to good sex?
A: I was first introduced to good, quality sex in 2013 after losing my virginity in 2007. I’d met someone older than me who I was wholeheartedly intrigued by yet equally terrified of. Once I got the nerve to introduce myself, it was up from there: He. Turned. Me. Out. I was introduced to real intimacy, gentleness, pleasure centered around me and not just for his satisfaction. I learned to trust someone entirely with my body. Talk about shook! I was exposed to kinks that I was curious about and learned a lot regarding my sexual interest and how I liked to be pleased.
C: My first introduction to the idea of good sex was when my mom sat me down at 12 and explained that as I matured I’ll likely start experiencing feelings and desires to have sex. She told me that it was natural and if I decided to partake she gave me access to a bag of contraceptives that I wouldn’t have to ask for permission to grab from. My first actual experience with good sex was with myself in my early 20’s through masturbation. It was pivotal to have the knowledge of self-pleasure before giving my virginity to a man at the age of 23 because experiencing pleasure sexually wasn’t foreign to me. I had a better idea of what would bring me to orgasm.
3. How have the conversations around sex evolved, especially for people with vulvas, Black folk and people of color?
A: The revolution is sort of being televised. It seems as if conversations around sex are evolving daily towards more open minded ideas, acceptance, etc. More people with vulvas, Black folk, LGBTQIA+ people of color and the like are exploring, at astronomical rates, typically taboo subjects regarding sex, their bodies, pleasure and vulnerability. With the help of sources like the WHOREible Decisions podcast, shows on VICE regarding sex, Instagram, etc. people are coming to terms with the fact that sex really doesn’t need to be as taboo as it’s been: there are all types of people with similar identities and kinks that are relatable. They’re learning, communicating, and breaking societal/generational curses and toxic perspectives. They’re reclaiming their bodies back from the patriarchy and it’s such a beautiful sight to see.
C: I’m seeing a shift in how we perceive sexuality as a whole and we’re beginning to be less rigid, but for us specifically we are embracing that sexuality is a spectrum and doing the work to remove the shame and stigma we so often are oppressed with by society, family and religious institutions. I’m seeing an awakening happening in viewing and regarding ourselves and our sexuality as divine expressions and it’s beautiful to witness and experience.
4. Surrounding trauma, how does one reclaim their sexuality after abuse?
A: I believe therapy will help tremendously as it does with most things. I think recognizing and accepting what has happened is not the fault of the victim; that one can indeed heal and live a great life in spite of what has happened through therapeutic, healing work. It’s not just going to go away overnight and though it’s not as simple as “just let it go”, one will have to decide how they want to work through their victimization as a survivor. I have never been a victim of sexual abuse but I am familiar with abuse/trauma and the ongoing work it takes to reclaim my time, energy and ultimately, my life.
C: Reclaiming your sexuality after abuse will definitely be a unique journey for each person. The first time I was raped at 28 I had a period where I wanted to reclaim my agency by having sex with men I chose. It helped me to feel powerful. The last time I was raped at age 35 I took a different approach and chose to be abstinent for a year+ and work internally on healing through therapy, meditation and reconnecting with my spirituality. Neither way was wrong. As I evolved, how I dealt with my trauma did also. The important thing is to get clear with what you desire to feel, do it as safely as possible and, if you feel the need, connect with someone who can be supportive along your journey.
5. What are your hard and soft boundaries?
A: My hard boundaries include anything that wasn’t mutually communicated and consented upon beforehand. I don’t allow just anyone to do anything to me so just trying kinky things without my expressed permission is a no-go. Consent is everything! I also don’t think I’m into scat play (on me and especially for free), blood play, fire play, race play (Black slave, white master) consensual kidnapping and super intense pain. My soft boundaries: everything else :). I’m extremely open-minded so as of right now, there’s not much I wouldn’t explore at least once.
C: My hard boundaries include but are not limited to: force/rape play, no spitting/urinating/feces play, no slave play, no humiliation. Soft boundaries include but not limited to: anal, bondage, public sex.
6. Someone breaks in and steals your go-to sex move. How do you recover?
A: Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ve discovered my signature sex move just yet but I will say that I’ll definitely feel like those gifs of Cardi B at the awards show, Carmelo Anthony and that Blinking white guy at the video game competition: subconsciously clutching my pearls saying “OH WORD!?” Now I have to show out and do something more spectacular and maybe make it a fun and sexy competition.
For reference:
C: I wouldn’t be worried. I’m not a one-trick pony.
7. What do you have in the works that the world should know about?
A: I’m a regular, degular, schmegular girl from the Bronx, living in Richmond, VA, trying new things, exploring and making new friends. I’m always up for talking and learning about sex as it’s such a fascinating concept. Working in an adult store for almost 3 years gave me the opportunity to learn about a variety of topics and I enjoy teaching/exposing my friends (and sometimes strangers) to ideas that are “taboo” or just unheard of. You can also catch me in various photos for the Thick Thighs Save Lives RVA body positivity campaign.
C: I’ve recently launched my sensuality coaching business and will be hosting my first small group coaching in March. You can find me at @iamaradiantwoman to stay up-to-date on future announcements and events.