Jade Perry told me to write out my vision for my new life. Here’s what I have so far:
Releasing 30 pounds of weight. With that weight came shame. False promises. Abuse of my body by myself and outside shit people. I’ve come to realize I’ve kept on the weight as insulation. If I stay a certain weight, I’ll be invisible. Self-sabotage feeds on thinking like this. Here is the first time I’ve actually thought past my fears and looked into reality. The notes taken away are simple: listen to your body. Your knees hurt (Megan, I have failed you), ankles pop, you lose breath easily. Your body is signaling that we’ve held onto to this for long enough. It actually didn’t save us - it did the opposite. It put us in more danger. Releasing is the word for 2020.
A room with a view. I enjoy heights. I enjoy being able to open my window or door and no one can see me, but I can see everything. I enjoy having my own space that’s as cool or as warm as I desire. My next apartment has all of that. I’m sitting in it now in my mind. New features, new zip code, new adventures.
Catching flights. I’m releasing my fear of flying, which makes the thing about enjoying heights seem ridiculous. I have a naked passport and a bomb piece of luggage I’ve only used for ground travel. Because I am to be big, I need to release this fear. Plus I desire to take all the IG pics in some gorgeous locations. Because I’m THAT person.
Heaux phase orientation. I start soon. I got my books ahead of my certification. I got married super young to someone I didn’t want to be with but church guilt and purity culture led me to say “I do”. So far, I’ve only had one good orgasm through penetrative sex. My desires to try new things and the subterranean bar of simply being listened to in bed had consistently come up for debate in relationships. No more courtesy moans. My goal is to unlock my #EroticEmpowerment through continuing knowledge of my body, discovering what my peaks and valleys are, deciphering my hard and soft limits, shooting my shots and practicing safely and consensually. 2020 is all about exploring.
Traveling for work. My work is speaking. My work is writing. My work is empowerment. My work is advocacy. I am as board and specific as I need to be. I sit in hotel lobbies with the room paid for by those who requested my presence. I walk and talk my worth and my vulnerability. I change lives by simply being who I am.
And most importantly, I am PAID. Handsomely, Beautifully. Consistently.
What’s your vision for your new life?