I keep my podcast queue updated and my playlists in rotation. Whether I’m taking a trip to Ikea or humming down 85 South to Orlando on a whim, the destination isn’t important: the need for motion, to remind myself forward is a gift and that I take up sacred space in this world, is the call to shift gears.

What’s your favorite coffee shop order? Mine is a vanilla chai tea latte with almond milk. It’s warm and grounding, a signal that I’m doing something worthwhile. That’s what I ordered when I first met Lindsey in person at Philz Coffee in Bethesda, Maryland. We shared about puppies, working with tweens, how doing this work can be both rewarding and exhausting. She’s been a light as 2020 threw a shadow over all of us. After some time, I finally got to get her into my interview chair.

Shadow work isn’t for the faint. It’s been said to be the active discovery of the ugly sides of ourselves and “dealing” with them. But what does the “dealing” look like? Is it all pain? All shame? Or is it a time to get to know the us that’s been there waiting, underneath the covers? I sat down with three of my blitchiest sistren: Courtney “Zegasus” Derrell, Mambo Ruth and Shelley Vega to take a deeper dive into the meanings of shadow work and how to best do your own excavating.

In my view, a chronicle indicates that a story is always being reimagined: it may take some turns and pauses, but the story itself keeps moving forward. Lauren and I share the experience of telling our stories on the big stage, surrounded by strangers who have become friends-in-bravery. Recently, I sat down with Lauren to ask some questions.

I wanted to write something about the Black women sex educators I look up to.

Ka’lyn is your grandmother’s favorite. She’s the cousin that, when she chooses to come to the function, makes the function worthwhile. She’s the professor that got you through that last semester by not coddling you, but by lighting a fire both under your ass and bright enough to give you a peek down the road. I got to chop it up with her recently. Keep reading to learn more about the Dr.

Connecting with someone online can be hit or miss; the persona doesn’t always match the person. Jade, however, is her truest self on and off these digital streets. With every inch of her humanity, she schools, edifies and teaches.

My work is speaking. My work is writing. My work is empowerment. My work is advocacy. I am as board and specific as I need to be. I sit in hotel lobbies with the room paid for by those who requested my presence. I walk and talk my worth and my vulnerability. I change lives by simply being who I am.

I had a lot to own up to while also reversing the turmoil handed to me. Plenty of bags were dropped back where they belonged, and for once I didn’t apologize to them for me being so fuckwitable. Being a people-pleaser, agreeable, kind to a fault, will FUBAR you into oblivion

We have to end the narrative that struggle love is the only way to know love, that unconditional love is a backdoor means to inflict harm, that we must carry everything and everyone on our backs to be deemed worthy of love.

“How can I, a real human person with mental ashiness, possibly help and affect others whilst looking like I beat the final boss flawlessly? Do I have to? Who told me I had to? How can I seek and save the broken while being broken myself? Somebody messed up the guest list. I don’t belong in this space. Someone will find out I’m a fraud soon. Because I can’t be both broken and healing.”

Depression for me moonlights as vivid caution.