For many, including myself, 2019 delivered its fair share of haymakers. Lessons we thought we learned came back requesting change, people we just knew would be around forever became (555)777-9311, expectations of what we thought the next to last year of the decade would be were both met and dashed. We also conquered fears (or found out at their roots what our fears are enough to begin conquest). We challenged stereotypes, did things scared, wrote the book, shot the shot, stood on stages and in rooms that bore our names before our presence. As the smoke clears on all 2019 wrought, we see just how far we've come, and I ask that we take the time to acknowledge, really acknowledge all that we've made it through. Because we out here. And dammit we made it.

With all hearts and minds clear, let's decree what we're leaving not only in 2019,
but in this fading decade:

• Fake-ass friends we kept around for so long that they became real again, only to show who they really were AGAIN. You know what, this one is on us. We have to STOP THAT SHIT.

• Getting high off the idea and not the actual work. It's cute to share; that buzz we get from talking about it often feels better than actually doing it, though. And in a weird way, we feel accomplished like we actually did something. It's the placebo effect. Instead, do the thing and then talk about it.

• Chris Brown. R. Kelly sympathizers. Umar Johnson PayPal fundraisers. Bill Cosby talking shit from jail.

• The need to defend things you enjoy. No, it's not a guilty pleasure because pleasure shouldn't feel guilty. Remember fam, always ask and give consent.

• Announcing that you are cutting people off. We do this every year. Nobody cares, sib. Except maybe the person you're subbing. And even then, isn't that the point?

• Expecting emotional/intellectual labor from those most marginalized and affected. Our good sis Google has all you need. Ask her.

• Treating our friends like built-in therapists. Yes, ask your people if they have room to take on your heavy things. You don't know what they also may be enduring. People and emotions are not transactional.

• Not respecting peoples' pronouns/identities/pronunciations/preferred names, etc. IRDC what you knew them as before and what dey mama called them. When people tell you who they are, believe them

• Sex/kink-shaming. That shit is odd and wack af.

• Not supporting folk because you knew them "before they got on". These people exist. Again, weird.

• Not remembering to cancel the subscriptions BEFORE the trial is over. SAVE THE COINS.

• Not drinking enough water, eating leafy greens, getting your perfect amount of orgasms and minding the business that pays you.

This coming decade holds a ton of magic for us. No more stopping the flow because we feel we don’t deserve it. Stop with the stop gaps. Flourish. I love us for real. Happy 2020!